Secrets
by Sara Abigail
Summary: After a difficult case, Castle and Beckett decide to spend the evening relaxing at his loft. Once Kate decides to take a walk around the apartment however, the evening becomes anything but relaxing.


Hi guys! Yes, I know I have other fics I should be working on, but this would not let go. And then I made the mistake of telling my friends about it and they wouldn't let me let it go either haha :) The only real spoilers for this are Rise, and anything in season three. I'm not sure when this is set, just that it's a couple of months into the future. Hope you enjoy! Oh and this is dedicated to Karisa, Marissa, who helped me come up with the idea, Rosaline and a bunch of other lovely people :) Love you guys!

Edit Note: I've found some mistakes and I know at least one of you found one (tiff098765 thanks so much for the review and pointing out what I needed to fix. :D). Also, I've noticed a lot of you story alerted this...I have no plans in the immediate future to continue it (notice this is listed as complete). I have other stories that desperately need my attention and I will tend to those first. However, since everyone seems to want more, I will consider adding more later. Ok, I'm all done now, go enjoy the story. :)

Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, I would've listened to Stana Katic and Caskett would be together already.

It had been a ridiculously long day. The case they'd been working the past week had finally gotten another lead, going from ice cold to incredibly hot as they raced to find the killer before he escaped they're grasp. It had taken all day but they'd finally gotten him, and after going round after round in the interrogation room, they'd gotten the confession they needed.

And now here she was, sitting in Castle's loft, a glass of wine in her hand. She relaxed back against the couch cushions and let a small smile play across her lips. There was something about the loft; Kate wasn't exactly sure how to describe it, but just being there was enough ease the tension after hard days. Though, Kate was pretty sure that also had a lot to do with the man currently sitting down next to her.

"Here's to finally solving the Harrison case," Castle said and held up his glass. Kate clinked her glass with his and took a generous sip of wine, barely holding back a moan.

"Your taste in wine really is great, Castle."

"I'm glad someone around here actually appreciates it."

Kate eyebrows furrowed. "I thought your mom drank wine all the time."

"Mother inhales it more than she drinks it," he chuckled. "And let me tell you I've never seen her have that reaction to any of my wine."

Kate blushed. It wasn't her fault that on her measly cop salary she could barely afford more than a halfway decent bottle. Not that it was terrible, but nowhere near as good as the expensive wines Castle had access to. She took another sip.

Conversation flowed easily between the two of them, moving back and forth between teasing jabs and semiserious topics. Even the lulls, though they were few and far between were comfortable silences rather than awkward pauses. It was just what Kate had been looking for, the perfect way to close their hectic day. Judging from the smile that never left Castle's face, he seemed to agree.

Halfway through Castle telling a quite hilarious tale of an over obsessed fan at one of his book signings, Alexis called from upstairs. He promised to return momentarily before hurrying up to see his daughter. Kate sat her now almost empty wine glass down on the coffee table, falling back into the couch with a sigh of contentment. This really was something she could get used to.

Kate started at the direction her thoughts had taken her. She wasn't allowed to get used to this. They weren't even dating. But it was a nice thought. Coming home together after work, have a glass of wine before dinner, laughing with Martha, ganging up with Alexis to tease Rick. Kate firmly shook her head. She shouldn't think such things.

Suddenly restless, Kate got off the couch, wandering aimlessly around the loft. The door to Rick's study was left ajar and the room was practically calling her name. Having already slid off her heels, her feet made no sound as she traveled towards it. Peaking around the door, she smiled as she entered the room. This was Castle's inner sanctum.

It was just as she remembered, his laptop sat perched on the desk, a tiny array of books and papers circled it. His chair was turned outward like he'd just gotten up and Kate had to resist the urge to go curl up in it. She desperately wanted to know what the new story looked like, but held back. She'd see it eventually. Spying his electronic murder board, she decided a tiny peak wouldn't hurt anything.

Bringing it out of sleep mode, Kate was astonished at what she saw. It was her. It was all about her. Everything on the board had to do with her shooting, her mother's death. She was sure if she clicked on the names more detailed notes would appear, but Kate couldn't move. All she could do was stare.

The sound of footsteps behind her brought her out of her shocked state, and Kate turned to see Castle standing in the doorway, guilt written all over his face.

"I can explain," he started, his voice quiet.

"You damn well better explain. How could you? This is my case, Castle. My life. You tell me to back off, 'give it time, Kate' you said. 'We'll find them, we'll figure this out' what the hell happened to that, Rick?"

"Kate, you don't understand." Castle took a couple of steps forward. "They were going to kill you."

"Oh, and you were protecting me, is that it?" Kate fumed. How dare he go behind her back. Convince her to put it away, leave it alone, only for him to come home and work on it. Who the hell did he think he was? "I don't need a body guard, Castle. I can take care of myself."

"Like you did at Montgomery's funeral?" Castle's face hardened. "Is that you're idea of taking care of yourself? Cause you're doing a shitty job if you ask me."

"I won't let them get that close again," Kate said dismissively.

"And how do you plan on doing that, hmm? We don't even know who they are, much less when and where they'll strike next." Castle now stood directly in front of her. "Are you really willing to put everyone through the pain of watching you get shot again? Of wondering if this is the time you won't wake up?"

"Of course not, Castle, but I can't just back away. This is my mother." They were yelling now.

"They will shoot you again, Kate. Do you wanna go through that again? Do you even remember what that felt like?"

"Of course I do, Castle. I remember everything!" The words were out before she could stop them, the heat of the moment causing them to come flying through her lips. It took a minute for Rick to realize what she said, what it meant. She watched the hurt wash over his face as it registered.

"You remember everything?" Castle's voice was soft, disbelieving. Kate nodded. "You remember what I told you?"

"Rick," Kate started to explain but he cut her off.

"So let me get this straight." Castle's anger came back with a vengeance. "You chew me out for keeping something from you, when you were hiding something just as monumental from me?"

"This is different," Kate said firmly.

"Oh, is it now? I finally said it. It took me three fucking years, Kate, but I finally told you how I felt, when it was almost too late. And you come back with an 'I don't remember'? And to top it all off, I can't accuse you of hiding it from me? That's rich, Kate, real rich."

"You were digging around in my life, putting your nose where it doesn't belong and then hiding it from me. Did you even manage to find anything while you were rummaging around my past?" Kate gasped as Rick's face revealed he had. She pointed her finger at his chest. "Tell me what you found," she said through gritted teeth. "Now."

"No, Kate. I can't do that. If I do you'll run straight at it. You won't back down. And I can't lose you. I'm sure you already remember why."

Kate gave a harsh sigh. "What the hell did you expect me to do, Castle? I'd just been shot, I was still with Josh. Everything was so messed up. I needed time, Rick. Saying it back to you wouldn't have given me that time."

Castle's retort died on his lips. "You wanted to say it back?"

Kate nodded. "But I needed to get my life back together. I wasn't going to get into this unless I was sure there was nothing holding me back." He'd once accused her of having one foot out the door in every relationships, this is the one she wanted to be all in for. This was the kind of relationship she wanted to have. He was her one and done and she hope he realized that.

He seemed to get it, a small smile spread across his lips. "I'll wait for you, Kate. I'll wait as long as you need me to. I just need to know that what I'm waiting for is still going to be there. And I'm not sorry I kept this," he gestured to the murder board, "from you. I should've told you sooner, but I couldn't risk it, Kate. Not after what happened before. But I promise, we're in this together now. No more secrets."

"So you'll tell me what you found?"

"I didn't exactly find it. Montgomery sent all the information he had on you to a friend of his, ensuring your safety. He wouldn't tell me who it was, only that he was very powerful and that Montgomery's friend had enough on him to keep him from hurting you."

They were standing so close; it only took a slight lean for her to end up against Castle's chest. He wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on top of hers. This is what she wanted. Someone who would be there, no matter how hard she tried to push them away, someone who wouldn't give up on her. Someone who would be willing to stand by here, no matter what. They still had a long way to go, so many things to figure out, but once again Kate couldn't keep the next words from tumbling out of her mouth.

"I love you." It was a whisper. She wasn't sure he'd even heard her until he tensed slightly. She leaned back to look him in the eye and smiled at the joy she saw there. He kissed her lightly on the lips, softly repeating the words back to her. They still had so much to do, so much to figure out before they even go to the personal stuff. But right here, right now, it was just them. And right then, that was all that mattered.

And there you have it! :) Please, Please review! I love reading them. :)


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